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[laufey, "misty"]archived recording (laufey) (SINGING) Look at me I’m as hopeless as a kittenanna martinShe got her start in the most Gen Z way possible — on TikTok. [laufey, "falling behind"]archived recording (laufey) (SINGING) Everybody’s falling in love And I’m falling behindanna martinToday, Laufey reads an essay called “An Anxious Person Tries to Be Chill,” by Coco Mellors. And so, I think that’s kind of what we’re always itching for, that sense of love, even though it’s not really love. laufeyWell, the first love song I wrote, called “Best Friend.” I’d never been in love before, and I wanted to write a love song. archived recording (laufey) [SCATTING]: You’re my best friend in the world [MUSIC PLAYING]anna martinNext week, I talk with model and writer Emily Ratajkowski.

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john magaroYeah I mean, that’s a lot of what they ate. I mean, I think it’s about love and lost love and misconnections and eating. I think that’s — you know, I think that’s great advice for a relationship. john magaroYeah, but it feels — but, you know, that’s what Arthur is doing. anna martinI mean, I — and I don’t know if, you know —john magaroAs I say, aigoo.

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This is “Modern Love.” Today, I’m talking to the most famous couples therapist in the world, Esther Perel. esther perelOK. “What Sleeping with Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity” by Karin Jones. [MUSIC PLAYING] “I’m not sure it’s possible to justify my liaison with married men, but what I learned from having them warrants discussion. anna martinWhen we come back, I talk to Esther about the harsh criticism this essay got and why Esther thinks Karin Jones deserves more credit. esther perelThe homewrecker is always a woman because the woman is the one who says yes, and therefore, if the woman hadn’t said yes, then he wouldn’t be able to do it.

Persons: anna martin, ” I’m Anna Martin, I’m, Esther Perel, ”, ” Esther, esther perel, anna martin Oh, Esther, I’d, it’s, you’ve, anna martin You’re, esther perel Yes, It’s, Karin Jones, ” esther perel, you’re, Karin Jones’s “, We’re, anna martin Wow, ” “, anna martin Esther, Karin, anna martin Oof, “ I’m, messaged, ’, couldn’t, we’ve, they’re, esther perel Ha, I’ve, anna martin Right, hadn’t, wouldn’t, anna martin Huh, there’s, doesn’t, anna martin So, anna martin We’ve, esther perel Hi, Anna Organizations: The New York Times, of Affairs Locations: “, Belgium, Flemish, Spanish, London, United States

anna martinAfter the break, Penn talks about unconditional love and learning how to say “I’m sorry” as a parent. anna martinI mean, as a dad yourself now, do you remember a time where your kids saw you be vulnerable? You really, really can, of course. How do you think about unconditional love in your roles as a father and as a husband? penn badgleyI think unconditional love is actually very hard and rare in a way.

Persons: anna martin, ” I’m Anna Martin, Penn, Dan Humphrey, anna martin Dan Humphrey, It’s, ” penn, anna martin So, penn, We’re, anna martin You’re, it’s, anna martin You, anna martin Huh, there’s, I’ve, you’re, Dean E, Murphy, “, welling, Let’s, don’t, ”, frosting, confections, I’d, ” anna martin, Danny Murphy’s, he’s, they’ve, I’m, anna martin I, anna martin Oh, penn badgley, they’re, They’re, anna martin Wow, anna martin Absolutely, he’d, anna martin Yeah, that’s, I’ll, There’s, anna martin Hm, That’s, anybody’s, Tom Cruise, Emily Blunt, You’re, anna martin Listeners, Miya Hawke, miya hawke Organizations: The New York Times, Netflix, Penn Locations: East Siders, Santa Barbara , California

Today, Celeste reads a “Modern Love” essay about exactly that bond, a mother trying desperately to reach her child. Why do you think you’re so drawn to tiny things? If you’re going to make something in miniature, you have to spend a lot of time really looking at it. Because, OK, Betsey’s daughter spray paints, “Too many bushes, not enough trees,” and you’re going around putting, honestly, beautiful lines of T.S. So there is something about that language that even if you think you’re rational, it’s getting to you somehow.

Persons: anna martin, ” I’m Anna Martin, you’re, Celeste Ng, Celeste, they’re, ” celeste, anna martin So, celeste ng, anna martin Tell, I’ve, I’m, celeste, anna martin Well, It’s, ”, Betsy MacWhinney, George W, Bush, Marissa, strode, “, Wendell Berry’s “, Mary Oliver, Oliver, Berry, Marissa didn’t, I’d, wouldn’t, anna martin Isn’t, Betsy, She’s, anna martin Really, anna martin Celeste, Eliot, you’ve, ” anna martin, celeste ng I’m, anna martin Talking, she’s, anna martin Wow, anna martin I, didn’t, who’s, anna martin Betsy, Wendell Berry, what’s, —, anna martin I’m, we’ve, He’s, anna martin He’d, Anna, Brittany Howard, brittany howard Love Organizations: The New York Times, eBay, Farmer, NASA Locations: manila, Sierra Leone, T.S, Hong Kong, There’s

When Daniel Jones started the Modern Love column in 2004, he opened the call for submissions and hoped the idea would catch on. Twenty years later, over a thousand Modern Love essays have been published in The New York Times, and the column is a trove of real-life love stories. Dan has put so much of himself into editing the column over the years, but as he tells our host, Anna Martin, the column has influenced him, too. Today, Dan shares three Modern Love essays that have changed the way he thinks about love and relationships in his own life. Also, Anna announces the beginning of a special series of episodes celebrating Modern Love’s 20th anniversary.

Persons: Daniel Jones, Dan, Anna Martin, Anna Organizations: The New York Times

We’re kicking off our new season this Valentine’s Day with a story from a Modern Love veteran. David Finch has published three Modern Love essays about how hard he has worked to be a good husband to his beloved wife, Kristen. As a man with autism who married a neurotypical woman, he found it especially challenging to navigate being a partner and father. To make things easier, Dave kept a running list of “best practices” to cover every situation that might come up in daily life. But Dave wasn’t going to lose Kristen, so he had to give it a try.

Persons: David Finch, Kristen, Dave, Dave wasn’t

Sonja Falck was immediately attracted to Colin, the professor who was renting her a room. It was only after they were already dating that Sonja found out Colin’s age: He was 34 years older than her. Their age gap didn’t give them pause. But when Colin reached his 80s, and Sonja was in her mid-40s, Sonja realized she was craving a level of physical intimacy that Colin could no longer provide. Or had their age gap finally caught up to them?

Persons: Sonja Falck, Colin, Sonja

Eleven-year-old Eric Darnell Pritchard was a solitary kid. They preferred reading romance novels to playing sports, and watching soap operas to hanging out with the neighborhood kids. Although they were obsessed with love, they felt too different to find a romantic connection of their own. Then, a cute boy moved in across the street. But when Eric told the wrong person about their new boyfriend, things quickly spun out of control.

Persons: Eric Darnell Pritchard, Eric

When Jessica Slice started dating a man named David, there was a lot to like about him. The more caring David was, the more she recoiled. “He’s the greatest!” She texted her sister. “But I doubt I’ll go out with him again.” This wasn’t the first time she’d felt like fleeing from affection, but something about David made Jessica hesitate. Was she finally ready for a new kind of love?

Persons: Jessica Slice, David, Jessica, “, I’ll, she’d

Julia Botero , Christina Djossa and Jen Poyant and Dan Powell and‘I think what we did when we sent him away is we just delayed the inevitable. And the inevitable was very ugly.’Rick Reiss was scared for his teenage son, Gabriel. Gabe was struggling with depression and mood swings, and no amount of therapy or medication seemed to work. But when Gabe became violent, Rick wasn’t just scared for his son; he was scared of his son. So they made the decision to send Gabe to a wilderness therapy program.

Persons: Julia Botero, Christina Djossa, Jen Poyant, Dan Powell, ‘, Rick Reiss, Gabriel, Gabe, Rick wasn’t, Rick

Samantha Joseph’s childhood was scattered with golden trips to California to visit her Aunt Gail. Aunt Gail was the cool aunt. One day, those trips to California stopped: Aunt Gail no longer wanted to see Samantha’s family. Samantha was devastated, and several years later, she was devastated again by the news that Aunt Gail had died by suicide. Today, Samantha shares her search for answers following her aunt’s death and how a conversation with David Schwimmer helped her to heal.

Persons: Samantha Joseph’s, Gail, Aunt Gail, Robin Williams, Mayim Bialik, Samantha, David Schwimmer Organizations: “ Locations: California, Hollywood

Having sex in a car is usually a last resort, born from the trappings of youth. But, without a private place to go to, they found themselves having sex in the back seat of the teamster’s car. Today, Susan shares how car sex turned into something deeper. Want more from Modern Love? We also have swag at the NYT Store and two books, “Modern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption” and “Tiny Love Stories: True Tales of Love in 100 Words or Less.”

Persons: Susan Silas, Susan, —, Anna Martin, Julia Botero, Christina Djossa, Elyssa Dudley, Hans Buetow, Sara Sarasohn, Jen Poyant, Sophia Lanman, Maddy Masiello, Rowan Niemisto, Pat McCusker, Dan Powell, Daniel Jones, Miya Lee, Mahima Chablani, Jeffrey Miranda, Renan Borelli, Nina Lassam, Julia Simon, Anna Diamond, ”

It’s called “For a 30-Year-Old Virgin, It’s Now or Never.”The candles were lit. As we looked over the menu, he mentioned that he didn’t know what a poached egg was. And I didn’t want to die a virgin. Given how things turned out, am I upset that I lost my virginity in a rush to a guy who didn’t matter? Being a 30-year-old virgin is not normal.

Persons: I’ve, I’m Anna Martin, ” Clare Almand, hadn’t, Here’s Clare, It’s, “ I’ve, ”, gaunt, Missy Elliott’s, bloomer, it’s, pining, OkCupid, cardiologists, oregano, who’s Organizations: New York Times Locations: Los Angeles, Culver City, Brussels

But in the process of jogging his memory, things got complicated, and confusing, and messy because her ex didn’t remember anything, including their breakup. He amplified or even brought out for the first time these qualities that you didn’t know you had. He didn’t know he was about to start a graduate program at Central Saint Martins or that he lived in a dilapidated warehouse in Whitechapel with a pet rabbit. tyler wetherallAnd I used the excuse that, often, he didn’t remember our conversations. tyler wetherallHe had asked — Sam had asked a friend of his why I didn’t visit more often.

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